Archive for the ‘LauBehHiut Philosophy’ Category

posted by egghead on Nov 25

Wilwolf and his DF were watching TV when DF said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.”

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her bag. DF then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Wilwolf called out, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Wilwolf turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to bed.” And he did … without a 2nd thought.

Anything extraordinary here?

Wonder why “most” women live longer…?

‘CAUSE THEY ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL…… and they can’t go off any sooner than the men, they still have things to do !!!

posted by egghead on Oct 18

Associate Professor Egghead from LauBehHiut University has the following tips to offer:

  1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.
  2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married – and now he is going thru hell.
  3. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds : “Wife wanted“. Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : “You can have mine.
  4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
  5. It’s easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
  6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife.” The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.
  7. “What’s the matter, you look depressed.” “I’m having trouble with my wife.” “What happened?” “She said she wasn’t going to speak to me for 30 days.” “But that ought to make you happy.” “It did, but today is the last day.”
  8. When she is 18 – She is a football, 22 men going after her. When she is 28 – She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her. When she is 38 – She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her. When she is 48 – She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.
  9. At 20 – A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give. At 30 – He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious. At 40 – He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy. At 50 – He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year. At 60 – He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.
  10. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

posted by egghead on Oct 14

Categories of Girls

Lesson 1 – Definition of Different Types of Girls/Ladies

Type 1: Hard Disk Girl
Definition: She remembers everything, FOREVER!
LauBeh says: Avoid if possible, otherwise, think many times before making every “move”!

Type 2: RAM Girl
Definition: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off!
LauBeh says: Give her the equal treatment she deserves!

Type 3: Window Girl
Definition: Everyone know that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her!
LauBeh says: Always keep one at your side to show off to your gang!

Type 4: Screen Saver Girl
Definition: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
LauBeh says: Only call when you are feeling down or kena dump by a Type 3…

Type 5: Internet Girl
Definition: Difficult to access!
LauBeh says: Access through backdoor (like parents, friends, lesbian lover) if possible. Otherwise, have to make her pregnant liao :P

Type 6: Server Girl
Definition: Alway busy when you need her!
LauBeh says: Let her call you instead of you calling her! Not suitable for desperate guys!

Type 7: Multimedia Girl
Definition: She makes horrible thing look beautiful!
LauBeh says: Must date one if you had lost all hopes in girl or in life!

Type 8: CD-ROM Girl
Definition: She is always faster and faster!
LauBeh says: Only date one when you are young and strong, otherwise, BEH TAHAN until you get a stroke or heart attack!

Type 9: Email Girl
Definition: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense!
LauBeh says: Always have an IPod in hand when you go on a date with her.

Type 10: Virus Girl
Definition: Also known as “WIFE” when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don’t try you uninstall her you will lose everything!!
LauBeh says: No choice, every girl will turn into one someday, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! Treat them well, or else, GOD save you, and your “little brother”!

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